10 Things You Should Know About The CIA’s Torture Program

The latest Listverse article by this Blog’s lord and creator, on a subject not wholly unrelated to religion.

Is torture justified if a nation is threatened?  Meh.  What about if a town is threatened?  Do you mean Mayberry?  A neighborhood?  Hell, take my neighborhood-please.

What about sweet little 13 year old white, Christian Becky Appleton of 455 West Avenue, Rhode Island who loves playing with dolls, worshiping Jesus and longing for world peace?

Quick! A nasty ole terrorist group has TWO HUNDRED nuclear bombs, biological weapons, an army of pedophiles, fifteen bad boys with frogs and snakes in their hands, and twenty trained attack dogs aimed straight at the poor dear (who is cruelly tied to a chair under harsh spotlights and not even allowed a dolly or a crucifix to hold! She has to stare straight at the tips of all those missiles.  The boys keep dangling snakes in front of her and putting frogs in her pocket.  The pedophiles are straining against their straitjackets.  She can see the vile slather drip from the vicious fangs of the dogs!)  We just brought in a suspect who may know where the precious little angel is, but he’s not talking.  The timer is ticking! OMG, there’s only FIFTEEN seconds to go!!!  Oh!  The humanity!!!

Will you use “enhanced methods” against the barbaric, terrorist, ungodly, brown-skinned bastard of a suspect that was brought in THEN!!?  Would you leave poor Becky to her fate, alone in that dank, smoldering room full of mildew, pornography and anti-American posters with the tears rolling slowly down her eyes, leaving tracks in the dirt that the evil men have allowed to accumulate on her face!!? Could you possibly be more callous!!?

What do you think about the Torturer’s Dilemma NOW!!?  Here’s a free book-length dissertation on the subject for you.

Remember folks, when Dick Cheney fails to negotiate a private contract, the Terrorists win!

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