An ‘Atheist Extremist’, Lord, at Last AT LAST!

Craig Stephen Hicks, accused in the murder of three Muslim Students:  Durham County Sheriff’s Office, via Associated Press

(Satire)

By Lance Luther:

Ever since Sep. 11th dropped two skyscrapers worth of headaches on our heads and the roar of atheists have clamored for the blood of violent Christians and Muslims ever since, we religionists have prayed every day for a target that we could answer back in kind to.

The good lord has provided us with that target.

Before the smoke had even dissipated on a Tuesday in February, and well before the details came in, my fellow traveler Elizabeth Stoker Bruenig made us all glow with newborn pride by writing ‘The Chapel Hill Murders Should be a Wake Up Call to Atheists‘ for The New Republic.  You should read it and come back.  My heart still burns with self-righteous vindication; there really are atheist extremists!  Never mind the disgusting way the author (and a small army of others–can you say praise the Lord!) uses the murder of three young Muslim students (of Arab descent), two of them newlyweds, to get a dig in on atheists before anything was known about the facts, that can be safely ignored, my friends.  After all, it’s worth it to finally get a chance to kick some smug faces in.

I completely agree with the authors contention that atheists are all Satan-worshiping male children (um, except for my esteemed colleague prof. Squawkins of course), never mind the robust feminist atheist community out there, and never mind the average age of every well-known atheist thinker since the Enlightenment (maybe the author should peep the author photos of near every atheist author).  And yes, everybody knows that Christians hate atheists–but YES!  WAKE UP CALL you kiddy atheists!  Maybe now you’ll stop kidnapping christian children and sacrificing them along with she-goats to the Devil.

As details emerge about this atheist scumbag, we find that…uh…he was a gun collector overcome with rage over a parking violation…and victim Deah Barakat’s own brother said that Craig Stephen Hicks never made any kind of anti-Muslim comments during said ongoing feud…and his wife flatly rejected any religious motive for the slayings and that Hicks was vocal about equal rights for all as well as irreligion, and even the New York Times isn’t falling for the ‘hate crime’ theory.

um, maybe we should just forget about this one.  If we keep it up, atheists could blame any murder on Christians or Muslims, since overwhelmingly, a killer would probably identify themselves as one of the two and since motive seems so irrelevant to authors like Bruenig, why should it be relevant to atheists?

If we keep writing articles like this one after the evidence has come in, us Christians and Muslims will just look stupid.

Lance Luthur is writing the sequel to his groundbreaking (but unfortunately lost in a pig-ditch in a Kentucky field) manifesto.  It will be entitled, ‘The Lord’s Anger and You: How to Stamp Out Christian Liberalism Within Your Own Communities While Kicking Out the Catholics and Bringing Back Tammy Faye and Other Important business”.

He plans to nail copies to the White House door, Pat Robertson’s Studio, and the Pope’s Lavatory.  This time he swears to use a longer nail… 

 

 

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